Chapter 70: The Inescapable Thought
The rebuilding of the Church is well underway. Calling it a rebuilding is an expression of those who care about the late former Pope and the members of the Cardinal's Council. In fact, it should be called reform.
Things that had been stalled until now are moving all at once.
The earliest and most significant of these moves was the uncovering of fraud. With the death of all the cardinals who were the source of the fraud, there is no longer any obstacle to the investigation. On the contrary, various pieces of evidence hidden by the cardinals came to light, and those who were connected to them were identified as a sack of potatoes.
Many of them were of a certain rank within the Church. These people were ousted and replaced by their replacements. The leadership of the Church organization passed one after another into the hands of those who had not been in the mainstream.
After all of this had settled down, the funerals of the deceased were finally held. The reason for the long neglect. It became clear when they learned the details of the funerals to be held.
Only His Eminence the former Pope was held. The other cardinals were treated as criminals, and all of them were excluded from the state funeral.
It can be said that it is a natural procedure, but for the very few people who are aware of the circumstances, the goodness of the arrangements makes them feel a kind of fear. Fear that the Church is moving under a certain will.
No one talks about it. Fear of what might happen to them kept their mouth shut.
The same goes for Bishop Mikhail, who is scheduled to become the next pope. Bishop Mikhail was walking alone in the passage behind the church. He's aiming at the building ahead.
It will soon become visible. The building is right next to the entrance to the cemetery. When he arrived at the front of the building and knocked on the front door, it opened from inside. A little girl greeted him.
"Who?"
"Oh, my name is Mikhail. Is Barbara here?"
"Wait a minute"
"Yes"
He can hear the girl retreating inside and calling out to Babaa. Without much waiting, she appeared at the door.
"I didn't know that someone who could be the next pope would be in a place like this without a companion."
"Now I am a bishop. And even if I become a pope, I won't take a companion with me when I walk in the church."
"...If you're too serious, you won't be able to understand the sarcasm."
"Ah, was that so?"
"Long story?"
"Not much. Probably."
"Hmm……"
Babaa thought about the meaning of the words Bishop Mikhail had added, but there was no way she could understand it with just that. All she knew was that it would be a complicated story depending on the situation.
"Come inside. It's hard to talk standing up at my age."
"Yes. I'm sorry to bother you."
Babaa decided to let Bishop Mikhail into the house and listen to him. As soon as she lets him in, she directs the children to the back room.
"They're looking well?"
Bishop Mikhail only thinks that Babaa took care not to disturb the conversation. He looks at the backs of the children running in the back and smiled.
"Children? The children are always in good spirits."
"Is that so? Even so, I felt that a brightness that had never existed before was born in their eyes."
"…Was it when you first came here before?"
"Yes. Every eye was stained with hatred."
Bishop Mikhail, who saw those eyes, felt a great deal of anxiety about having the children live in this place.
"That's right. Because someone important to them was killed by the church."
"……Yes"
They killed an unrelated hero candidate. The Church led them to do so, even if it was directly done by the same hero candidate. Bishop Mikhail knows that. He also knows that there has been no reflection on that fact.
"There's no point in talking about this. So what's your business?"
"It's about those children."
"What about the children?"
"I'm thinking of renovating the ruins of the monastery and building an orphanage in it. For the time being, I'm planning to run it in a temporary building, but I'd like to move the children there."
"That's not for me to ask. Ren is the master of the children. You have to get permission from Ren."
"Where's Ren-kun?"
It is Ren that Bishop Mikhail really wants to talk to. That's why he came to this place alone.
"He's out. He'll be back at night."
Unfortunately, Bishop Mikhail's wish did not come true.
"Is that so? Then can you please tell him for me? If possible, I would like to speak to him directly."
"I'll let him know. It's impossible to do it directly. You're busy."
"No, I'll leave some time for that. I also have a favor to ask of Barbara-dono."
"Me?"
"The site will be turned into a facility called a relief center. It is a facility that supports not only orphans, but also those who are suffering from poverty. I would like you to be the director of the orphanage."
"Is that what this is about?"
"Well."
That's one of the main issues. It's not particularly urgent. He's just bringing it up as an excuse to come to this place.
"I can't be the director at this age."
"Aren’t you about the same age as the former director? You look well when I see you like this."
"......Who sent you to do that?"
"It was my idea to ask you."
"I see."
He's trying to give her something to live for, who has decided to die. He knew that Babaa's idea was wrong, according to Bishop Mikhail's words. As a result, this mistake brings out Bishop Mikhail's true intentions.
"...Do you have any idea about the person making this?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you have any idea who has the power to move the church?"
"...I see. So you're getting to the point."
"The point… I hear that Barbara-dono has a close relationship with the former director. I was hoping you could tell me if you know anything about it."
"We've known each other for a long time, but we're not close."
"If you still know something."
"Even though I know. I can't tell you anything."
What Bishop Mikhail wants to know is about the Anti-Hero Alliance. The only thing Babaa knows about is the former director's suffering. She is in no mood to talk about such things with others.
"I see……"
"You seem to be misunderstanding, but I have nothing to do with the Anti-Hero Alliance."
"I know that. I just don't think you can say you don't know anything about it."
"Hmm... why did you want to ask that now?"
"The church is..."
Bishop Mikhail couldn't immediately put it into words.
"What is it?"
"I wondered if the church was taken over by the Anti-Hero Alliance."
Prompted by Babaa, Bishop Mikhail finally spit out these words at once.
"What?"
"I have no hard evidence. I just feel that way."
"...Are you saying that they had that much influence? If so, why did the monastery end up in such a situation?"
Babaa believes that they could have used this influence to prevent the attack on the monastery. But if they had such power, they would have acted differently toward the hero candidates in the first place. The Anti-Hero Alliance within the church did not have that much power.
"It's just an imagination, but I think they cut it off to retain influence."
"You mean they cut off the head, not the tail?"
"That's what happened."
"How can you operate with that? Are you going to tell me that the Church has been taken over by a headless organization?"
"...What if they got a new head?"
"That's possible, but only a limited number of people would be able to do that."
Not just anyone. It is a replacement for a well-liked director.
"As far as I searched, I didn't find anyone who was outstanding."
"You're playing a dangerous game."
"I haven't done much. I'm just watching and listening to what they say and do, and looking for someone who might be the central figure."
"If you're not mistaken in that assessment, then they're not out in the open."
"Maybe they're not in the church."
"...Then where?"
"There were some plans they were trying to push forward that seemed to have some otherworldly knowledge. The relief center is one of them. They are going to build a school where everyone can learn and a vocational school where people can learn skills."
"…………"
There is only one person in Babaa who comes to mind when hearing Bishop Mikhail's explanation. And if it's that person, there's something about him that makes her think he'd do just that.
"What do you think, Barbara-dono?"
"...That's dangerous."
"I just thought about it in my head."
"Not so. It's the way you say those thoughts."
"That's……"
Bishop Mikhail does not know. She knew that what he said in the church would soon go unnoticed. That there are beings invisible to ordinary people listening here and there.
"Do you not think you will be erased? If so, you don't know what you're talking about."
"You think he's that dangerous?"
"I'm not stupid enough to say that. I'm different from you."
"…………"
Babaa's words mean that even Babaa, who has been taking care of him for a long time, can be erased. Bishop Mikhail found that he had indeed been naive.
"I won't tell anyone about this, so go home."
"...No, leave a message."
"Why?"
"At this rate, I'll just be a puppet."
"What's wrong? Isn't it just the same as the previous pope?"
"…………"
The former Pope was just a decoration, just with a different operator. Bishop Mikhail is well aware of that. How many times has he been frustrated by that?
"He was a man of popularity. It was good that he was feted for it, but that was the end of it. He was just a puppet who did as he was told and signed his name."
"I don't want to be like that."
"Even if it kills you?"
"……Yes"
"Is that so? Then let me tell you. If there's anything left unfinished, finish it as much as possible. It won't even allow you to leave regrets in this world."
"…………"
Although he spoke of his resolve, fear spread through Bishop Mikhail's heart when he received a clear threat from Babaa. It was something that was hard to shake off and would haunt Bishop Mikhail until the time he met with Ren.
◇◇◇
Unbeknownst to Bishop Mikhail, Ren made a sour face in the academy's library.
"You're in the way of my studying. Go away."
"I haven't seen you in a long time. I think it would be nice if you could take a little time."
Shizuru didn't back down despite Ren's words. If she misses this, she doesn't know when she'll be able to see Ren again. Shizuru has such thoughts.
"You're back to your original selfishness."
"If it's me from the beginning, that's fine."
"……What do you mean?"
"Even the bad parts are in my nature."
"It sounds like a comeback."
"It's tempting. But I don't want someone to abandon me."
Today's Shizuru is not just an existence to be bullied. She complains to Ren.
"I didn't abandon you, though?"
"It's abandonment to kick someone out when you know they have nowhere else to go."
"And where do you stay now?"
"...The dormitory of the Luine Kingdom."
The reason she kept her mouth shut was because she felt embarrassed about her current lifestyle. It was not a situation in which one could complain about being kicked out. Sure enough, Ren poked at her.
"So you live like a princess. Isn't this the time to say thank you for kicking me out?"
"...No matter how it is now, it's terrible to kick me out."
"So?"
"If you feel bad about it, you should deal with it a little."
"Deal with what?"
"…………"
Shizuru's face naturally turned red at Ren's question. Even if she doesn't like obscene fantasies, they keep popping into her head.
"What?"
"...Talk. Let's have a small talk."
"Then do it."
Small talk can be done while looking through a book. Turning his eyes back to the book, Ren urged her to talk. Even with such an attitude, Shizuru seemed happy.
She knew that Ren was keeping a distance enough from her to allow her to interrupt his studies.
"I wonder how the church is? On the surface, it seems calm."
"It's more serious than I thought it would be."
"That's rude."
Ren began to explain, lightly brushing aside Shizuru's attempts to hit him.
"I don't feel it's affecting us in a bad way. At least, not to the end of the line, like ours."
"What about the children?"
"Why would they be affected? Ah, nothing."
"...What is it?"
Knowing that something was wrong with the children, Shizuru's face clouded over.
"There will be an orphanage. They will move there."
"Isn't that going to separate us?"
"We will be separated at some point."
"Is that so?"
"Otherwise what? I have no intention of taking care of them for the rest of my life."
"Maybe so."
Even if he doesn't intend to take care of them for the rest of his life, he does intend to act together. The conversation between Kai and Mai when she left Babaa's house showed this.
"I'd like to ask you the other way around. What does the Luine Kingdom think about this case?"
"I haven't heard the details."
"I guess so."
Shizuru's modesty was of no use to Ren.
"I heard a little."
Since that would be the end of the conversation, Shizuru hastily rephrased. She wants Ren to think she's useful.
"Which is it?"
"I heard"
"Then tell me."
"It seems that they were shocked when they first heard about it. It seems that they were the most worried about what would happen to the public order, and they also made a plan to escape from the church country."
"You're listening properly."
"Really?"
Shizuru's face suddenly brightened, thinking that she was able to impress Ren as she had expected.
"What then?"
"The fact that the Knights of the Church deployed quickly and that there was actually no problem seems to have determined that there was no confusion. They were shaken and relieved to know that it was promptly detained."
"I see"
In other words, they're having a hard time figuring out what's going on and are quite confused. That is a good thing for the people of the Anti-Hero Alliance. They don't want them to have to invite other countries to intervene until they have full control of the church.
"They're puzzled by how things are unfolding too quickly, and frustrated by the limited information they can get from the church."
"It can't be helped, right? It's a matter of domestic affairs in one country. There's no way they can tell other countries all the internal affairs."
"That's right. Now they'll wait and see. Is it time to see how the upper echelons of the new church are doing?"
The Luine Kingdom seems to have made the best choice for the Anti-Hero Alliance.
"No talk of bringing in the army at all?"
"No"
"Even if they have an idea, isn't it something you talk about in front of someone?"
"An idea?"
"It's normal to take advantage of the turmoil in other countries. I can't imagine not thinking about it at all."
"I see. Do you want me to check it out?"
"Yes?"
"Was that something they thought about? I can ask casually."
"No need."
"…………"
Shizuru's attempt to show her worth of existence is flatly rejected, and Shizuru falls silent. Then, Ren's push comes down further.
"I'm not asking you to do that."
"...As expected."
"What?"
"It's true. All Ren wants from me is my body."
"Huh? You're saying that now?"
"That's all Ren wants from me, isn't it?"
Shizuru, looking rather sulky, stood up and pulled a chair over next to Ren and sat down.
"Too close. Get a little further away."
"Look at how good it is. I get an oil massage every day and they compliment me on how smooth my skin is."
Shizuru's legs are stretched out from the hem of her skirt as if she is trying to provoke him. She is sulking and getting stubborn because Ren is only interested in her body.
"What do you think? I've polished the only body that Ren wants. You want to touch it, won't you?"
"…………"
"Anyway, all I can do is give my body..."
"It certainly feels smooth."
Completely ignoring Shizuru who muttered with a sulking look, Ren stroked her bare feet.
"Eh? Are you really going to touch me?"
"You told me to touch it, right?"
Ren's hand moves upward little by little. Her skirt rolled up, revealing her white thighs.
"R-Ren, here, the library..."
"What? Don't you like the lack of people?"
"It's not like that, Ren is supposed to deny it. What you want is not just a body. So I..."
Shizuru explains her delusions to Ren. Even though she said this, she knew it meant nothing to Ren.
"What are you talking about? You're asking for it, right?"
From Ren's point of view, it was Shizuru who provoked him.
"Yes, but... no, it's not."
"Is it better to stick to it? You think I prefer smooth skin?"
"Isn't that so? Then, should I ask you to change it?"
"Will that make it smoother?"
"Yeah, I'm sure it will work out if you use that kind of combination."
"Right. Then what would be good?"
"That's... when skin and skin meet..."
"Is that so?"
"...I don't know. I've never done it before."
Even though she knows it, Shizuru can't help but say this.
"Well then, shall we try?"
"As expected……"
Shizuru immediately understood what Ren was trying to do. And she knew she could not resist it.
"Ren... all..."
"Hmm?"
"Don't take it all off..."
"You mean skin-to-skin without taking it off? That's a hard thing to do. Then get on my thigh."
"……Yeah."
Shizuru sat down facing Ren who was sitting in a chair. By that time, Ren's hands had already started to unbutton Shizuru's upper clothes.
Shizuru had no choice but to accept the situation even though she remained embarrassed at this point. She herself unbuttoned Ren's clothes, exposing his skin.
"...It's embarrassing when it comes to it."
"I'm embarrassed too."
"Embarrassed? You want it, right? Want to stop?"
"Um... that's a bit"
"Then can we continue?"
"……Continue"
Shizuru prioritized getting the chance to get skin-to-skin with Ren over the resistance that someone might see them. She puts her arms around Ren's neck and hugs him.
"Ah"
"What?"
"It's true. The feeling of being in close contact is different from before."
"……Me too"
"I see. Is there any reason to do so? It's difficult to judge which one is better."
"You decide. I'll do whichever you like. In return, I have a favor to ask you."
"A favor?"
Ren's expression suddenly clouded over. Shizuru's wish is not trivial. At least until now. But only this time.
"……Kiss me"
"Eh?"
"I want you to kiss me."
"...Come to think of it, we've never done it before. Is that a terrible thing?"
"I don't care, as long as you do it now."
"……I understand."
Ren placed his hand on Shizuru's cheek and brought his face closer. While feeling a little embarrassed, he puts it into Shizuru's mouth.
Their first kiss is in a corner of an empty library. If you just listen to this, it's like a romance novel that was too good to be true, but unfortunately, the relationship between the two was far from pure love.
"It's your first time."
"……Don't say it."
"But it is your first time, right?"
"...Ren will do it in a place like this."
"Because you're kissing me violently to provoke me, right?"
"Because it's my first kiss."
"Isn't it supposed to be lighter for the first time?"
"But..."
"How does it feel to have your first orgasm after your first kiss?"
"Please, don't put it into words."
Shizuru is lying on her back on the desk. Even though her face is covered with her hands, one can see that she is turning bright red with shame.
Shizuru responds to Ren's kiss, and in her happiness, she forgets that she is in a library and seeks Ren intensely. This is the result.
"...I'm going to go home soon."
"Ah, that's right."
"If I'm going home, go back first."
"Why?"
"I feel bad about leaving you behind."
"Ah, yeah. Then wait a minute."
What seemed to be cold words came out of a kind heart. When she's with Ren, Shizuru's feelings alternate between ups and downs.
Shizuru stood up, checked her body here and there, and fixed her disheveled clothes.
"Is it okay?"
"What?"
"The maids are always with me, and they won’t even let me wash my body on my own. They wash me all over, and I'm afraid they would be able to tell."
"A maid? Are you sure you can live like that?"
"Special treatment for this one time. I'm not stupid either. I know that much."
"Aren't you stupid?"
"That's not what I'm impressed with."
"If only you knew that, be prepared to lose it at any time."
"...You won't tell me even if I ask you why, right?"
As usual, Ren speaks suggestive lines. Today, Ren answered Shizuru's question, which she thought he wouldn't answer.
"What do you think a hero is?"
"I've come to understand that it's not on the side of justice."
"It's a weapon used in battle."
"Yes. Only strength is required for the hero."
"I see. Are you really Shizuru?"
Shizuru seemed to understand what he was saying. Shizuru's reaction was surprising to Ren.
"That’s terrible. I've been trying to think about a lot of things lately."
"You've been thinking..."
"You are making fun of me too much."
Ren is not mocking her. He is just a little surprised at the significance of the fact that she can think.
"Is it possible that you are continuing the training that I taught you?"
"Ah, yeah. I'm doing the best I can."
"I see... the story about a hero."
"Yes, yes. A hero is a weapon."
"That's right. And weapons are tools. Tools don't need thoughts or feelings. They just work as the user wants them to."
"...Is that the hero?"
"Yeah, that's the hero. That's all I can say for now."
"...Okay. I'll think about it."
"You do that."
"Bye, Ren. See you later."
"Yeah, see you later."
A greeting that he returned without thinking about it. Shizuru shows a complicated expression on her face.
"...If you say something like that, I'll expect it."
Ren's expression turned a little bitter when she said that. His memories with Kazuki popped into his head.
"……Later"
"Yes. If you say that again."
"No, it's not that. Someone said exactly the same thing."
"Who is it?"
"It's Kazuki."
"I see... so what did Ren answer?"
"See you later."
"So that's how it was..."
She knew it. Still, when she hears about the depth of the relationship between Ren and Kazuki, Shizuru's heart starts to experience mixed emotions.
"Kazuki died three days later."
"…………"
"I'm not blaming you for what you just said. I'm just telling you the truth."
"......Say that to me too."
"Huh?"
"I'm not going to die. I'm not her. I am me."
The expression on Shizuru's face was clearly that of jealousy. However, it was somewhat different from the jealous expression that Ren had seen several times. Ren is puzzled by this.
"…What are you talking about?"
"I won't lose to a dead woman. So say it."
Shizuru even expressed her feelings of jealousy in words.
"You……"
"Say it"
"……See you later"
Shizuru stares at him with serious eyes. Pushed by that, Ren said what Shizuru wanted.
"Yes, Ren. See you later."
As if her expression just now was a lie, Shizuru returned her greetings to Ren with a smile on her face and walked towards the exit of the library.
Clearly smirking. But for some reason, Ren thought it represented Shizuru's true feelings.
◇◇◇
Shizuru, who had left the library, was a little overwhelmed with her own emotions.
(Being jealous of a dead person)
Jealousy towards Kazuki. She can't hold it down.
(I can't believe that I killed her out of jealousy and still feel jealous of her.)
Even with these thoughts, the feeling of jealousy will not go away.
(...But I'm sure this is true jealousy)
Shizuru knew why it didn't disappear.
(I like Ren. It all started from the worst, but I still liked Ren.)
She liked Ren. However, Shizuru could not believe that her feelings were sincere. As Ren told her, she was the one she loved the most. She didn't think she could go beyond that.
(I want Ren to turn to me. I want Ren's feelings towards me.)
Trying to express her desires honestly.
(I can forgive embarrassing things because I like him after all.)
She felt her heart lightened as she threw away the pretext of atonement.
(A love that started from a physical relationship. But it can be said that it is love only after I make Ren turn to me... can I do it?)
The road ahead was difficult. Even knowing this, Shizuru's heart was still light.
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