Feelings Held in One's Heart
The Lemberg Empire became a kingdom. The renaming was natural since the country was under the control of the Izrim Empire. However, what was surprising to many people was that it did not become a territory under the direct control of the empire.
Lemberg is one of the three former great powers. Its national strength was not so much damaged as it was fortunate that the emperor was taken hostage and that there was no fierce resistance. It was too powerful as a ruling power.
Jin became the king of Lemberg. Since Jin contributed greatly to the occupation of the Lemberg Empire, it was only natural that he should be chosen as king. Whether he wanted it or not, however, is another story.
――After a busy day, Jin was on the bed in the bedroom. He looks up at the ceiling and is dazed.
"...Hey... hey, are you listening?"
Satoko speaks to Jin. Satoko is wearing a sheet on her bare skin. Although the two have become increasingly repulsive to each other, their relationship continues. No one knows if it's because of Jin's earnestness or Satoko's persistence.
"……I'm listening."
"Then answer me."
"What?"
"...You're not listening, are you? It's about the woman you introduced me to. What are you planning to do?"
"Yeah, that's..."
He hadn't heard of it. Satoko understands that, but pursuing it any further is a waste of time. It's a different matter if she pursues it.
"……To get married?"
This topic is a big problem for Satoko. It's Jin's marriage.
"...Because she's the daughter of an influential person. People around me say I should."
Jin is the king. The marriage would involve political maneuvering. He was introduced to the daughter of a noble family in the Lemberg Kingdom. She is the daughter of an influential man from the days of the empire.
His subjects, thinking of the stability of the country, encourage him to get married. That was the intention from the beginning, which is why the introduction arrangements were made.
"It's not about what's the people around you wants to do, what is Jin going to do?"
"I can't decide on my own"
"What's that? Do you even need Katsuragi-san's permission to get married?"
Satoko is irritated by Jin who refuses to give a clear answer.
"You should stop calling her that way. She is Her Majesty the Emperor."
"Yes. And Jin and I are both her subjects. Disrespect is unforgivable."
Her mouth said something that she understood, but her expression clearly showed dissatisfaction. Satoko doesn't like serving Mei.
"...I will eventually need permission. But that's not what I'm saying. I have to think about what's good for the country."
"Will marriage with that woman benefit the country? It will not only make the nobility's power increase."
"Not necessarily, it seems. Some people say that this is a case of impatience on the part of the nobility."
"Impatience?"
"Would it be better to say currying favor? No, not quite. They want to strengthen their ties with me. They are trying to protect their position by doing so."
The country was taken away from them, and Jin, a vassal of the Izrim Empire, became the king. But what's done is done. The problem is that Jin has no connection to Lemberg. They cannot allow him to put the interests of the empire first and consider the Lemberg Kingdom an object of exploitation.
Marriage is one way to avoid this. Marriage is a way to unite Jin and the noble family of Lemberg and to change his mindset so that he would think of this country first.
"...It's the same thing. They're only thinking about their own convenience, right?"
"That may be true, but the people will also be relieved. If a woman born and raised in Lemberg becomes a queen, this country will always be their country."
"Ah, I see... the queen, huh? She's a woman from a powerful noble family."
The decisive words leaked from Jin's mouth. For Satoko, they were words she did not want to hear.
"......It's a political marriage."
Jin realizes his failure after seeing Satoko's reaction. This is the word that came out of his mouth as an excuse.
"Yes, it's a political ploy. A person like me, who has no position or title, can never become a queen, right?"
"Satoko… I’ve said this many times, but my intentions are irrelevant. It's what's best for the Lemberg Kingdom."
"... I know. I knew it from the beginning. I don't care."
With tears in her eyes, Satoko says forcefully. Jin slowly brings his face close to Satoko's and lays his lips on hers, revealing Satoko's skin, which had been hidden by the sheets.
"...The worst. You've learned to cheat like this. Do you think holding me will make me obedient?"
Satoko's words stopped Jin's actions.
"……That's not true."
The hand that was placed on Satoko's chest wanders in the air.
"It doesn't matter. I can't be second or third, let alone a queen. I can't be given any position, I'm just an existence that gives my body."
"Don't be ridiculous. I don't think that way."
Just as Satoko said, Jin's heart grew frustrated. It's the same development as the usual quarrels.
"Is it possible to continue this relationship? You don't have to worry about having a woman."
"Come on, I'm not that kind of guy."
"Don't pretend to be nice. You can say it clearly. You're done with me. There are plenty of other women to take my place."
"Shut up! I would never say such a thing!"
Finally, Jin yelled. End of the quarrel. The usual flow was for Satoko to repeat harsh words while Jin fell silent.
"It's not true. I'm Kazuki's replacement, right?"
"No..."
It was a harsh word, and Jin was speechless when he received it. The flow of the conversation remains the same. But the words that Satoko released gnawed at Jin's heart even more than usual.
"I don't blame you. I took advantage of it. It was my intention to sneak into the opening in your heart that Kazuki left open."
"…………"
They both felt it. That is why they have avoided the topic. They were afraid to reveal the truth. Satoko stepped into that area that should not be touched.
"But the only thing that has been filled is your sexual desire. It seems the hole in your heart was not filled."
"……No such thing"
"Or maybe there wasn’t a hole in your heart from the beginning? Did you just want to do it? If it's Kazuki, you would give――"
A sound echoed in the room. It was the sound of Jin hitting Satoko's cheek.
"...Ah, I-I'm sorry."
Jin is greatly upset that he raises his hand to Satoko.
"...What should I do? Should I hold my cheek and leave this room naked while crying? I don't mind, but it's pathetic."
"...As it is, you can stay here. If you don't like it, I'll leave."
"It's pathetic to be left behind. I'm going to leave. I'll get dressed, so look over there."
"Ah, yeah"
As he was told, Jin turned his back on Satoko. She could feel Satoko getting off the bed.
"Let's talk properly later. I can't keep my cool right now. I've been worrying about it for a long time, but I can't find the answer......"
"……......What are you thinking about?"
"About Princess Rosa Linde"
"At the end of the day, it's about women."
"No, it's not that. It's what she said. What did we do to deserve such a grudge?"
Princess Rosa Linde before her death. Jin will never forget her words. It wasn't that the words stuck in his mind, but that he didn't agree.
"...You were hated. You executed her. You killed her husband, too."
Satoko cannot understand what is troubling Jin. She doesn't understand why he is troubled.
"That's true, but we did what we had to do to regain our freedom."
"No choice. You let Kazuki die because you also had no choice?"
"What?"
Satoko's attacks don't stop. The thought of it brought up another irritating feeling in Jin's heart.
"Come to think of it, Ren didn’t make any excuses. When I accused him, he just told us the truth."
"......So what?"
Furthermore, Satoko stimulates Jin's heart. Jin doesn't like comparing him to Ren.
"The difference between Jin and Ren. Ren doesn't think about right or wrong. I'm sure he only sees goals and results."
"Are you going to tell me that's right?"
In other words, for the sake of the purpose, any means will be used. The idea is unacceptable to Jin.
"I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that it's a fact. I'm sure... he might get angry if I explain it in a pompous manner, but he doesn't care about that thing with Kazuki either. Just because those facts existed, I don't think he was evaluating Kazuki."
"…………"
"I'm sure Kazuki was happy. There was no sympathy or contempt. It was just that he accepted her as she was. Kazuki was herself... I can't do it. I can't have someone like Ren. But……"
"But?"
"...I will stop. I am not qualified to talk about the two of them. I am not even confident that my ideas are correct. So I will say nothing more."
"I see……"
Jin had no idea what Ren was thinking. The same goes for Kazuki. That's why he wanted to hear it, but as Satoko said, it wasn't necessarily true.
"...Thank you. I remembered Kazuki for the first time in a long time. I realized once again that I am different from Kazuki. I feel a little better now."
"That's... good"
"Just one piece of advice. Princess Rosa Linde is an enemy. She thought we were an enemy too. It's only natural for a defeated enemy to resent the other. If the situation were reversed, I would also resent her. If I had to worry about every single thing they said, I wouldn't be able to do anything."
"...You're right."
You cannot be righteous all the time. If you want to be right, you have to step back from the battlefield altogether. As long as you can't do that, you have to accept that people will hate you. This is what Satoko wants to say, but Jin's reaction is weak.
"......Well, I'll be going."
"Yeah. Good night."
"…………"
Without responding to Jin's good-night greeting, Satoko leaves the room. The words she wanted to convey were not [good night], but [good-bye]. She hesitated to say it out loud. It was an unfulfilled wish, she thought.
――The next day. Satoko said she was going shopping in the city, but Satoko didn't come back.
◇◇◇
A room in the back of the royal castle. Albert is standing there in front of the door. He had something to say to Milianea, but he couldn't quite wrap his head around how he should say it when he got to the front of the room.
It is a sad news to deliver. It is the news that Milianea's husband, Emperor Lemberg, has been executed. It is sobering to think of Milianea's reaction when she hears this.
A hand raised to knock on the door. It immediately goes down. Preparing himself again and raising his hand. It still can't knock, so it has to be lowered. He did this over and over again.
This time. He decided to make up his mind and raised his hand. But this time the door opened on its own before he could put his hand down.
"……Go ahead."
The door was opened by Milianea. With a dark expression on her face, she told Albert to go inside.
"Y-yeah. Well then, I'm sorry to disturb you."
Albert sensed from Milianea's expression. He felt that Milianea already knew.
"His Majesty the King himself came to inform me."
Milianea passed in front of the sofa and stood by the window. With her back turned to Albert, she uttered the words.
"...Did you know?"
"The maid told me that she would leave because you were coming. I was wrong again."
"So...?"
"I asked her what you wanted to do, and she told me what happened in Lemberg."
"I see……"
"Please don’t scold her. She told me because I persisted in asking. And...... she shed a tear for me."
The fact that the maid leaked the information wasn't because she was being questioned. Because she thought of her feelings for Milianea, and she couldn't hold back her tears.
Seeing the maid who was staring at her and shedding tears, Milianea knew the situation.
"I'm not angry. It was my fault for telling the maid."
Originally, it was not right to inform the maid. However, this time, in order to comfort Milianea, who would be saddened by the death of her husband, he informed her ahead of time.
"Because she's in a position to take care of me, isn't she? She's a kind person. She was so sad that I couldn't even cry."
"I see……"
Just because you don't shed tears doesn't mean you aren't sad. Sometimes you can't cry because your sadness is so deep. Albert knows it.
"He was never really meant to be an emperor. He was weak, very gentle, not suited for conflict, and should have lived in a world without such things."
"I see."
"To be honest, I was a little disappointed at first. I thought that since he was the Crown Prince of the Lemberg Empire, he would be a strong man."
"...That's called prejudice. Besides, strength is not the only thing that makes a man strong."
"Well... he was really weak, and people around him thought he could die at any moment, and yet he was still trying to live. That's normal for most people, but for him, life wasn't like that."
He was prepared to die. Ever since before he met her. Milianea knows it.
He may die tomorrow. She finds it difficult to live with such feelings. She thinks her husband, who didn't show his pain, was strong.
"Was it necessary to shorten his life like that?"
"That's……"
He was an emperor. The occupying power would not let him live, no matter what the circumstances. Albert could understand that.
"…He was a kind person. When he was taken hostage, he told me to run away. He didn't care what happened to himself, he wanted me to escape and...... live."
Albert can't see Milianea's expression with her back turned. But her trembling shoulders tell it.
Albert's hand reaches out to Milianea's shoulder. It didn't reach her trembling shoulders, but gripped the air tightly on its way.
"... I can't find the words to say to you about your sadness. No matter what I say, I don't have the confidence to comfort you."
"…………"
"However, I may make you angry, but let me tell you one thing. Emperor Lemberg was happy to have you as his wife. I have no doubt about that."
"…………"
Milianea's back looks thin. She actually has a thin body, but that's not the point, she seems unreliable in a way that is not typical of Milianea.
He wants to support that fragile body. Suppressing the strong desire welling up in his heart, Albert leaves the room.
"Your Majesty..."
In the hallway, a maid was waiting for him. She is the maid who has been assigned to Milianea.
"Comfort her. I can't do it."
"There is no such thing. His Majesty's feelings will surely reach Milianea-sama."
"...What can I do for her who is grieving over her husband's death? Am I genuinely grieving over his death? I feel uneasy, and I can't allow myself to have a vile heart."
Is the desire to embrace Milianea purely out of a desire to heal her grief? Even if so, where did that desire come from?
Thinking about it, Albert can't do anything.
“…I understand. I will do what I can, even if it is only a weak one."
"Please."
Albert leaves Milianea's room and heads for his office. Once he returns, there will be no time to dwell on his thoughts. There is so much work to be done.
He wants to get back to work as soon as possible, and at the same time, he wants to think about Milianea a little longer, feeling the pain in his chest. Shifting between these two feelings, Albert continues down the hallway.
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